Calvin turns 1!

Calvin turned 1 on July 1st (yes I know, I know its been almost a month since his birthday but weve been busy folks)and I always said time went by fast, but BOY DID TIME GO BY FAST!!

In his first year Ive learned many things. Ive learned a love that I never thought possible and a emptiness from loss filled. He is my heart, moon, stars, sky and universe. In his 1st year my life has become something I never thought it would be. I always thought about children, wanted children and knew life would be great with a child. Calvin has exceeded all my expectations of what a child would be to me and what me as a mother could be. I look at him and all the stars align and anything bad that has ever happened in my life has been erased because those things have brought me to him. With losing a parent you feel as if that love, the love youve had so deeply and maternally is gone and you would never have that again. With Calvin though, its like Ive had that second chance at that level of love. I love my husband and family like nothing else, and Calvin is the icing on the cake. My life is finally complete.

To Calvin, whos heartbeat I heard at 12 weeks pregnant gave me such a rush I felt like light was going to burst out of my heart; YOU are the reason why we are here. To love and be loved.

We celebrated Calvins 1st.birthday in our home town of Buffalo NY on Saturday July 3rd. My grandparents rented a shelter at Losson park so I could invite all of our family and friends to share in the big deal. Shelter 7 to be exact and it was home to many of MY parties growing up too. When I first pulled up to the shelter I stood there looking at it for a long time. My grandma didnt purposely reserve that shelter because she thought it had any meaning or remembered we had my parties there so she didnt know any different. But as I was hauling all the crap I packed from Ohio to bring to the park I stood and looked at that shelter and smiled. Its like I could stand there and see parties we had at that shelter whizzing by me. A bittersweet moment for me as I knew my mother wouldnt be here to celebrate Calvins big day with us. My entire family though was there. That was amazing. Its been a long time since all of my family and old friends have been together. Now Mikes whole family has been subjected to my family too and they still actually want to see us! I kid, I kid.

My brother manned the grill while my father kept score on the sidelines. My uncle Mark and Aunt Heather made sure my grandmother could get a ride to the park so she could be there. Friends of my mothers, neighbors of my fathers, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents all showed up to eat, drink and watch Calvin shovel half of his cake into his mouth like banana cream frosting was going extinct.

This is home. Calvin has an amazing family and Im very happy we could do that for him. Mike and I are very lucky to have all the people in our lives that we do and now Calvin gets to reap the joy. Everyone has made his 1st birthday something I will always remember and can look back on and tell him about. He wont remember that day, but we have plenty of pictures and cards and he has parents who can fill him in on it.

People always say "its a 1st birthday, the kid isnt going to remember it so why make a big deal?". Well Calvin is a big deal to ME. Life with Calvin is a big deal and I want him to have anything he can get from this life. Any memory, any story, and any chance at knowing his family, friends and all loved ones is a big deal.

I want him to have many, MANY birthdays. This first one was super special though. This one signified the first year he spent grabbing hold of my heart and shooting it into the world.

This past year is dedicated to you Calvin,



Let there be cake!