Tomorrow March 13th will be the 15th anniversary of my mothers death. 15 years have come and gone and while Id like to say it went by fast, it really didnt. A lot has gone on in my life since then and all of which she missed. Now that I am a mother, I can see how hard it mustve been that year and half she was sick to know that she may not be here for her kids. Thinking that I too may be taken from Calvin at such a young age ( I was 12, my brother was 8) drives me to tears and I have to force myself from thinking about that. I see Calvin and I cant imagine that situation for him and I hope he never has to go through that.
Right now I wake up everyday with the intention of being the best possible mom I can be. I NEVER take anything Calvin does for granted nor my time with him. I have memories of my mother taking us to the park, looking in the clouds for the ones shaped like butterflies, her sitting on the porch with fresh watermelon, warm brownies or a new polly pocket set or "Calvin and Hobbes" book waiting for me when I got home from school on my bed. I remember her being THAT mom, the one that took my class to Marine Land and bought everyone a sea shell to take home from the gift shop. The mom that would wrap my birthday gifts individually and then put them in a big box and wrap that so Id have mounds of things to unwrap. The mom who played trouble with us in her hospital bed even though she was very weak from Chemo. Becoming a mother was very important to me. I want to instill in my child what my mother did in the short time that I had her. I know that as a mother, I am one of the two most important people in his life and that I want him to know that every second of every day I love him and no matter what I always will.
My father stopped by my grandparents house when we were over there last week with a box. In it was my big bird cookie jar! My mother made it for me back in 1985 and now it resides on my counter top. Of all the material things I have in my life, this one is on the top of the list.
Its amazing how in the end, its always the little things that are worth having.
On the bottom she inscribed "to Erin from Mommy"